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Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 13:30:55 -0800 (PST)From: the Smiths Subject: CCM: One Woman's Experience

Listers,I have a friend whose experience with CCM seemed applicable to the currentdiscussion. I asked her to write her testimony for me to post to the group. I know enough of the principal players to know that the story is accurate. Don Smith

CCM: One Woman's Experience

I have a personal story as it relates to Christian Contemporary Music. It is my story. It's a sad story for it is the beginning of my defection from God,the church, and morality.

In the early 80's my younger sister went to an interdenominational youth rally in a neighboring city. She came home extolling the musical talent of an up andcoming CCM group. She was able to talk with the band members following the event and found out that most of the band members were SDA (The SDA bandmembers met while attending an SDA college). She invited them to my parents'home for dinner the following weekend. That's where I met them.

I had not yet been exposed to CCM music as it wasn't accepted yet by our church. I had listened to some pop rock for a short time in my teens, but had stopped listening to it for at least 5 years before meeting this group. (I was in my very early 20's at this time.) This was a group of clean-cut,godly-appearing, good-looking guys that seemed to want nothing more than to spread the gospel to the youth with their music. My parents (who are SDA) raised no objections to the music, my sister loved it, so I fell into line assuming that all was well.

One of the band members found me worthy of pursuit and I started dating him very shortly after our first meeting. Largely because of this, I started to attend all their concerts that were within an hour's drive of home. This was a tight-knit band, so I got to know them all very well. It wasn't more than a few weeks after meeting the group before they started inviting me to go with them to upscale restaurant/lounges to listen to the musical talent there. I eventually accepted their invitation. I had never been in a bar before. It was immediately apparent that these guys had no objection to a drink or two while kicking back at the lounge; I soon joined in. I had never had a cocktail in my life before this time. It also didn't take much time to figure out that these guys didn't have any problems with unmarried sex...I became sexually involved with the band member I was dating. The other guys all had girlfriends that they were having sexual relations with.

Six months after having met them, I married the band member I had been dating. By this time I was listening almost exclusively to secular rock, was drinking alcohol with regularity, visiting bars was a weekly event. Every weekend the favorite local rock talent would perform at the Sheraton...and we'd go there and dance the night away. Dancing was also something I had never done before this time. By the world's standard, this rock group at the Sheraton was awesome. I am naturally a rather shy, reticent individual. But when I was first brought to this lounge, the music was so loud, the beat so primal and insistent, that almost before I realized it I was out on the dance floor. It was very easy to move my body to the music....my body just took over. It never failed that when I was on the dance floor, men I had never met would be there dancing with me and we would essentially mimic sex while we danced. There was no thought that went into this. This is how the hundreds of bodies around me responded to the music. Words? What words? We only needed the beat to feel the exhilaration and inspiration to act like animals.

I left far behind the "bubble-gum" rock that this CCM group was, and I was only listening to secular rock-n-roll. The barriers broken down by this music, and by the band members' influence, had led me into a whole new world.

Within a year and a half of meeting this group, I was out of the church, out of Christ, getting drunk every weekend, I was having an affair, then had a brief fling with another one of the band members, and shortly thereafter left my husband. I was very cynical by this time. Cynical about Christianity, men, life in general. Soon began a succession of sexual "relationships" (what else were men good for, I reasoned), drinking alcohol often to excess, then drug experimentation. I was up for just about anything. Being convinced that God could never save me, I was determined to squeeze all the pleasure into my life that the world had to offer. I was willing to do things that I can not even mention. I was desperately unhappy and restless, but I was able to hide that fact from myself by immersion in "fun", as well as distracting myself with the constant drama of my life.

Fortunately, one can run but they can't hide from their good upbringing. Although I was able to stop caring about what was right for a while, I could never forget. Through a series of events that, upon reflection, I can see the hand of God in...I was brought to the point where I could not deny that I was so very unhappy with a huge hole in my life that I could not fill no matter how hard I tried. The Lord led me back to Him. By His grace and power there was a complete turn-around in my life that amazed and shocked all who knew me. That change was not temporary...by His power He has kept me in His grace for 11 years now. He, through my diligent Bible study, showed me the true peace and assurance of the gospel. I learned that He came to call 100% sinners...not the righteous...to repentance. I felt the total joy that He could save someone as defiant and wretched as me! But that truth was not revealed to me by CCM. The fruits of CCM in my life were not godly ones. I was around MANY people who loved CCM....I did not see fruits of righteousness in even one of their lives. Instead of a way to bring youth to Christ...it is a bridge to the world. I have lived it. People can deny it all they want....my personal experience cannot be swept away by their cynicism, their theories, their stacks of testimonials to the contrary.

When I came back to the Lord, I immediately realized that the rock music in my life had to go. By this time, CCM had come into it's own. There were racks and racks of selections at the bible book stores. I picked up several (I chose the mildest CCM I could find). I had not yet come to admit that my decline into debauchery was related to this music. It seemed like it was so much better than the stuff of the world.

Sadly, the area of my life that I was yet unable to completely surrender to the Lord was my sexuality. I tried...and tried...but despite all my efforts, I would fall. The Lord made me realize that I needed to turn over the area of music to Him completely. Although I was yet unwilling to give up CCM, I was willing to have Him make me willing. I do not know how Christians who listen to CCM, or rock in any form, can maintain sexual purity. I know I could not. I know many others who could not. The music is one of sensuality and rebellion. It broke down my ability to resist. Only when I was able to stop listening to this type of music, was the Lord able to bless my desire to remain sexually pure.

Today, I continue to choose not to listen to rock in any of it's forms, which includes even the softest CCM. If I'm out shopping and I hear old rock favorites...it still speaks to me. I do not hate rock music. Quite the contrary. I love the way it makes me feel. But I know where that music can take me....all too easily. I love the Lord more than I love this music. I don't think that I am a special case. I don't think that I was in some way more vulnerable than most to this kind of music. I think my story is all too common. I suspect that many do not trace their struggles to maintain their Christian experience with the kind of music they choose to listen to.

I hope this testimonial is helpful to someone. God does not want to deprive young people of anything that is good. I don't see that having the church bow to demands for more "hip" music is in any way helping our youth to find Christ. Because of the personal nature of this story, I am withholding my name. But more importantly, I am trying to protect the identities of the others involved in my story. If someone needs to verify this account, they are free to contact you, Don. I will gladly respond personally to those who have sincere inquiries. Thank you for asking me to tell my story. I daily delight in the love and power of the Lord to change hearts completely. Jesus is alive and well and able to save us to the uttermost if we will just let Him. My prayer is that we as Christians will be willing to turn every part of our lives over to Him...including the music that pleases our flesh.

Your Sister in Christ